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It was announced today that so many dramatisations of the Prince Andrew interview have now been made, they're getting their own category at the BAFTAs.
The announcement was followed up by the surprise news that the broadcast of the interview itself will also be eligible for the award.
'Which is a bit weird,' said Gillian Anderson, who played interviewer Emily Maitlis in one of the dramatisations. 'I mean, I thought I was pretty good as Maitlis, but I’m obviously not as much like her as she is herself.' She was reassured by BAFTA judges that her performance wouldn’t be judged as an impression, but in her ability to 'bring out the essential Maitlisness of Maitlis', to which she replied that she thought Maitlis herself would still have the edge.
However, a further controversy has engulfed the award, as it was alleged that Prince Andrew has been wining and dining the judges in the hope of influencing the vote.
The Prince responded to the controversy by giving a TV interview in which he said he had no memory of flying the judges to the Côte d’Azur for the weekend, presenting them with expensive watches or offering to secure them honours in return for their votes, despite photographic evidence that he did all those things. After the interview, he told an aide 'If anyone asks, I spent that weekend at Pizza Express in Woking.'
Image by Peggy und Marco Lachmann-Anke from Pixabay
Prince Andrew is enduring hard times. He’s been booted off charity boards, cited in awkward legal cases, banned from public engagements, and is about to be evicted from the Royal Lodge in Windsor, leaving him homeless.
However, the resourceful Prince is planning to bounce back, and has a new scheme to make himself enough money for rent and, ideally, a security detail.
Following the example of other disgraced royals (by which we mean Harry and Meghan), he plans to launch his own lifestyle brand. The working title is believed to be York Riviera Orchard. This is an unimaginative copy of Meghan’s company. York Riviera is believed to refer to the parts of York that flood when the River Ouse bursts its banks.
A range of internet domains have recently been registered by an offshore company called Noddy Hates Big Ears Limited. These include yorkrivieraorchard.com, therealyorkrivieraorchard.com, and yorkrivieraorchardhatesyoudad.com.
The first products to be offered are rumoured to include frozen pizzas, which will have a trademark stuffed crust and a very thin topping. It’s thought unlikely that Prince Andrew will make these himself. There will also be a range of personal care products, including ‘the world’s most effective antiperspirant’. The company has no immediate plans to sell jam, but an insider told us that there may be jam tomorrow.
Andrew is also believed to be working with a ghostwriter on a Christmas book, provisionally titled ‘How Not To Be Royal’.
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