Only 20 Prime Ministers until polling day

The government has set a cap on how many more Prime Ministers it will allow to run the country before the next General Election.  'Twenty, tops,' stated a government spokesman, adding, 'and only that many if we can stop the lunatics having a vote.'  It isn't clear which lunatics he was talking about, but the consensus is that any attempt to eliminate lunatics must be a good thing.  Therefore, any attempt to eliminate any of the current Tory MPs automatically eliminates some lunatics.

'Now that Hunt has found £20 billion of headroom, there must be an opportunity to bring back Truss, she'll blow it in no time' suggested one MP, while another suggested that Boris coming back 'for a day or so' could see that headroom safely allocated to a chum on the VIP lane.  Other MPs think that there should be opportunities for previously untried Prime Ministers.  30P Lee Anderson thinks he'd make a great PM, as long as Labour promise not to sniggle, while Priti Patel thinks a smirking PM could be a real asset.  Most of the potential PMs are thought to be MPs at greatest risk of losing their seats - the pension of £125k per annum index linked for life each is thought to be a significant motivator.

'We'll probably have a leadership challenge next week, and the week after,' the spokesman said.  'It won't serve any practical purposes, but at least the country won't be watching the rest of us syphon wealth away while the spectacles continue.'

Image: Pixabay/PublicDomainPictures

Reminiscing

3rd worst prime minister ever asks 2nd worst to shag things up even more

The third worst prime minister in British history isn't wrecking the entire country quickly enough. The top option to bring in with a proven track record of completely annihilating the UK is currently unavailable as he's still trying to offload dubiously obtained gold wallpaper on Ancient Greek eBay.

The one every self disrespecting Conservative thinks is the worst prime minister in British history wasn't afforded enough time to obliterate the nation by the correct process dictated by a rotting lettuce. Therefore, technically, she can only be ranked as the fourth worst PM ever, because she wasn't around long enough to cause quite as much irrecoverable destruction.

The fifth worst prime minister in British history quit office to spend more time with Boris Johnson's children. Well, someone had to, and she is the only leader in recent years who comprehends numbers which go higher than seven. Plus she has far too much integrity for the job in vowing to take dancing lessons before returning to high office.

So it falls to the country's favourite porcine appreciator to swill into a senior Cabinet role normally reserved for an elected member of parliament. That's what back doors are for, and there are ways of silencing the squealing.

It is all perfectly above board to hastily throw Lordship spaghetti at the unelected to see what sticks. Why? Because the current prime minister is himself unelected. Not even by the dubious protocol of allowing Conservative members to select who leads the Party.

But wait, Shirley that would mean that technically he is not actually prime minister? That would be a particularly terrible situation as it would mean that the rankings of worst prime ministers would have to be rewritten. And to a lesser extent of importance, the country would have to be renamed the Former Democracy Formerly Known as the United Kingdom. Or FKUKing Hell, for short.

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