Richmond, Yorkshire to get extra bin collections in week 27

Residents in Richmond have been told to expect extra bin collections in the week the election is to be held. A member of the council told Newsbiscuit this was not going to put extra strain on council finances as it was being paid for by central government.

Opposition parties and Commie journalists are claiming this is an obvious bribe to take votes away from Labour and the Lib Dems, however our political correspondent has pointed out that Count Binface always stands in the seat occupied by the Prime Minister, so if that bin gets emptied, Sunak may win the few votes he needs that Binface would take from him and be able to cling on.

image from pixabay

Come again?!

New UK Prime Minister is David Tully from Rochdale

An unknown independent candidate who only entered a Rochdale byelection race 4 weeks ago has swept to victory, claiming the top job at Number 10.

Trouncing the Conservative candidate, but finishing second to a cat, means that David Tully is automatically installed as Prime Minister according to the new rules of UK democracy applied by the Tories to install Rishi Sunak.

Sunak himself also finished second in a vote, but when it was realised that he had been beaten by a rotting salad, a swift and sneaky change of the rules meant that he was allowed to take office and run an entire country.

The total number of votes received by Rishi Sunak in order to become Prime Minister is disputed. Those who were initially supposed to vote, got it bed-crappingly wrong, so their vote was ignored, along with the votes of their dead pet pangolins. Then when it was decided that only close chums who might get a cushy job from Rishi were allowed to vote, they just about managed to squeeze him first past the post in a one horse race.

But now David Tully has received an amount of actual real votes, and thousands more than Sunak did to be handed the job while also not coming first, then it is simply new unwritten constitutional law that he is automatically installed as Prime Minister.

As an inexperienced independent, no one is quite sure what David Tully stands for, or what his key macroeconomic policies on fiscal recovery might be. Politically, however, this makes him no different than any of the last 73 Conservative Prime Ministers since the word 'woke' was redefined.

image from pixabay

writer: SteveB