The Prime Minister has removed the words "honesty, integrity, transparency and accountability" from the ministerial code, it has been revealed.
'Boris just doesn't understand what these words mean', said a source close to the PM. 'His face just goes blank whenever they're mentioned'.
An aide is said to have attempted to help him understand, but was asked by the PM to only use single syllable words if at all possible as his head was starting to hurt.
The Pakistani government has made a controversial choice by choosing to elect outspoken former Yorkshire cricketer and grumpy old bugger, Geoffrey Boycott, as a replacement for outgoing Prime Minister, Imran Khan. Mr Khan's supporters are furious that he has been dropped and have taken to the streets, demanding action replays and use of the DRS.
Boycott has agreed to pad up and walk out to the crease and has promised to put Pakistan back on the world map.
"Khan was OK as a one day Prime Minister, or even a 20-20 leader but, on the big occasions, he needed to use his skills better and put in much more effort. He needed more games and not just on Sunday afternoons", he told our reporter.
He continued, "Khan has had a terrible innings. My grandmother could have done a better job than that."
Boycott is said to have already put together a Trophy Cabinet, his first eleven, which includes Wasim Akram, Waqar Younis, and Dickie Bird as Chancellor of the Exchequer.
Boycott's grandmother was unavailable for comment.
