Kier: 3 am

Musk is getting too much attention, says man who won’t shut up about him

Keir Starmer has sensibly decided to take the bait, marked ‘bait’, clearly lowered on a big fishing rod by Baity McBaitface. This is a new version of the Streisand Effect, is where Starmer inadvertently amplifies a topic he wants to be quietened – reaching a point where Barbara Streisand is forced to tell him to STFU. Sadly, Elon Musk has successfully trolled the PM and provoked him into devoting an entire press conference as to why Elon was mean to him and made him cry.

The old adage ‘Never Argue with a Man Who Buys Ink by the Barrel’ also applies to billionaires who own Twitter. The BBC helpfully ran it thousandth story this week, about how Musk should be stopped from dominating the media. An aide declared: ‘The Prime Minister is now going to schedule a rebuttal for every time someone on the Internet says something bad about him. Expect his next Press conference to take 200 hours to complete.’

Picture credit: Wix AI

The Economy: predictions for 2025

Energy - Russian hackers target the national grid.  All the electricity is sent to the Isle of Wight, which catches fire and sinks.

Transport - Russian hackers stand back and watch with amazement as the UK transport system implodes on its own, without interference.  Same as last year.  And the year before that.

Housing - All cineplexes are converted to housing, but some units are later found to have been constructed mostly from popcorn. Despite all the optimistic yakking, interest rates stubbornly fail to come down, so your mortgage will continue to slowly choke the life force from you. Unless you rent, in which case your rental payments will continue to slowly choke the life force from you.

Defence - MOD personnel clog up Sainsbury's branches trying to collect drones and munitions ordered from Argos.  Argos admits the existence of a black site offering discounted guns and missiles - and nectar points.

Business - Companies without staff (hedge funds, shell companies and tax dodges) are forecast to do well in 2025.  Companies with staff will do badly owing to the rise in minimum wage and the massive cost of employer's National Insurance.  Freebies for Keir and political donations to Labour are therefore expected to dry up.

Education - all pupils will be automatically deemed to have special educational needs this year, so the limited support available will collapse under the strain.  All exams will move to a pupil self assessment system. Attendance records will show that truancy has fallen to zero after the attendance system is hacked by year 6, although Russian hackers try to take the credit.

Image: Pixabay