UK experiences "anomaly" in the economy.

Observers say that they are "disappointed" after the UK economy nosed-dived after the much anticipated relaunch failed to gain enough height.

The pilot, Captain Sunak, made a safe take off of the PM 3 Dumbo. He then released the Hunt engineered Econ-bomb vehicle. All was thought to be going well. However, failure followed as the second stage failed. Pundits believe that the "anomaly" was caused by a lack of maths skills coupled with the failure of the 5-point booster which failed to move the craft into the anticipated orbit.

It has emerged that the take off nearly didn't take place at all as they had invited a Mr Kwarteng to make the countdown:

10, 9, 3, 6, 5, 2, 8, 1 Zero.

PM will put 'Having the same problems' into manifesto

A strange fellow (not featured) without a mandate but who still insists he is definitely Prime Minister has pledged to keep having the same problems, not only for 2023, but put it into the Conservative manifesto for the next election.

'I can promise today that we will carry on the same series of disastrous policies and decisions for the rest of this parliament which will continue until at least 2025. Not only that, if elected we will introduce a Department of Ineptness (the DoE), that will examine all government polices to make sure that we maintain a level of incompetence around 4 or 5 Graylings out of 10. Any higher than that means that we've tried to physically replace planes with trains and we're really in trouble.'

Politics a load of old goat's c*ck, confess Conservative politicians

Running the country is utter pants. So say the last five prime ministers.

'I thought it was going to be constant corruption, endless hobnobbing at exclusive balls, and a festival of sick sexual perversions,' said a recent former prime minister everyone has already forgotten the name of. No, not that one, the other one. 'But it was only about 93% that, and then there was other boring stuff which kept cropping up. National emergencies aren't really my bag,' added another talentless moron who also shirked their leadership responsibilities.'

'Frankly, this governmenting lark gets tedious after a few days. And pesky investigative journalists keep pointing out that you're not supposed to keep all the trappings of high office for yourself. Where's the chortle with chums in that?'

'Look, the bit where you get to dick about with the laws, that's a snigger and everything. But then some total square comes along in his silly judge wig and says that you're not allowed to break all of the laws you just made up. When did that become a thing?'

'I tell you, that Sir Keir Starmer Labour chappy is a crafty one. He sort of makes out like he wants to be PM, but he is so clever at ensuring there's no chance he'll get anywhere near the job. We're naffing stuck with it forever now, and no one in the Conservative Party wants to do it properly. Shall we just shut down the whole show and all move to Greece?'