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'Acting on a recommendation from Ofcom, we will be reducing our deliveries of innocent sub-postmasters to jail down to three times a week,' a Post Office spokes-stamp told reporters.
'I know this may inconvenience some people, such as lawyers, who have been earning themselves a fortune over the past two decades by getting blameless Post Office franchisees put away on every day except Sunday.
'However, the costs of continuing a six-day-a-week, nationwide imprisonment operation are untenable.
'So if you are the kind of sadistic Nazis - or "lawyers", as we call them - who want to see their friendly local sub-postmaster behind bars, you'll just have to wait an extra couple of days for your vile wishes to be fulfilled.'
Photo by Mick Haupt on Unsplash
Subpostmasters who were wrongly accused of embezzlement because of a flaw in the Horizon computer system, have been told they can guarantee getting their compensation sooner by making an extra payment.
“it’s not compulsory, of course,” said a spokesman for the Post Office. “You can just sit tight, secure in the knowledge that you’ll probably receive it. Eventually.
“But given the amount of money involved, we do recommend paying extra for a secure method. That way it’ll also be insured.”
One subpostmaster complained that despite paying a fortune to get his compensation the next day, all he got was a card through his letterbox.
”I was sitting there in silence, alert for the slightest noise of footsteps on the garden path. Yet somehow, when I got up to put the kettle on, there was a card on the mat saying ‘Sorry we missed you’. These people are bloody ninjas.
“And the card tells me to go to an office that’s ten miles away, not on any bus routes, and not open on any of the days I’m not working.”
image from pixabay
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