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The current (March 2025) Chancellor of the Exchequer has made the following statement, “We have heard this story so many times, if you raise taxes on certain sections of society, then they will just up and leave the UK and we will lose all their entrepreneurshipness. Yes that is a word. Well, let’s just see if the most vulnerable people in the UK do finally get off their arses and walk the, probably difficulty and painful, walk. There’s plenty of empty small boats strewn around the coast for them to get up and go with. Will they actually back up their empty promises, a subject I am an expert in, by clearing off to Monaco to claim benefits there? Let’s just see if they do stick to their word, no questions on that please, or is it just empty threats trying to hold our benefits system sausage.”
Observers were quite impressed with the uncharacteristic empathy Reeves showed.
Government sources have confirmed that the government is running out of ways to scar the poor, penalise the old and disenfranchise the disabled. Despite all their best efforts they have raped, pillaged and censored the weak and the worthy alike. Their last, best hope is to raise the taxes on bingo halls, targeting the lower paid and most easily distracted elements in society.
'It is well known that the lower paid, the under-educated and those who seek inexpensive light relief from caring duties like to spend time in bingo halls. They are our target victims - er - audience, so we will make their miserable lives more miserable. It's the least we can do, and the least is definitely what we want to do,' said a government spokesman today.
Photo by Bruno Guerrero on Unsplash
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