'You're getting mugged at gunpoint and right now, you have no cards!' Washington police chief Trump told the terrified victim of an armed robbery while out on the beat in the city's streets.
'You have no cards,' he stressed, treating the victim - a visitor from Ukraine - to a few cuffs around the head, 'so the best thing you can do is to hand the guy with the pistol all your money and your valuables, and then crawl off and cry.'
Police Chief Donald Trump was demonstrating to reporters his 'beautiful' new approach to crime.
'There'll be no more crimes, because I'll say they're not crimes,' he said, patting the mugger on the shoulder and letting him saunter away with his pockets stuffed with cash and gold.
'I'll say the victims brought all this on themselves. They could have stopped it at any time,' he continued, to sycophantic nods from his retinue.
'Soon, there'll be perfect peace across the US because the criminals will have got all they wanted from their victims and won't feel like robbing them any more. Then I'll claim my Nobel Peace Prize.
'As for you, you pathetic victim,' said Trump, tasering him for the amusement of his sniggering lackeys, 'the price I'm charging for having protected you back there is half of your yard, because I want to extract minerals from it.'
Image: WixAI
