top of page
Search
With more backbench Conservative MPs joining GB News, and Dominic Raab allegedly bullying his way into a daytime job with them, it has been decided that employees from the unbiased fact service will sit in the government back benches during PMQs.
They will act like schoolchildren, braying at the opposition and laughing at poo-poo-face name-calling, to release the presenters from the tedium of doing what the taxpayer pays them to do.
'This sounds like a pragmatic arrangement,' said a GB News spokesman, adding, 'and it should only last until the next election, anyway'.
A team of crack hypnotherapists was flown in to prep the PM for her next commons appearance.
“It was one of the toughest cases we’ve ever had”, said one of the hypnotists. “I’m usually hired by people trying to get through a Best Man’s speech without puking. The key is to find the person’s ‘anchor’, something they can visualise to calm themselves down. In Liz’s case it was apparently something called ‘pork markets? Whatever works”.
Frontbenchers drew lots to see who sat next to the PM during PMQs. The unfortunate losers were advised to wear a cheap suit as the risk of vomiting was high.
“If this didn’t work, we were prepared to use Rohypnol to get her into the chamber”, a spokesman told us. “Several of our Members volunteered some from their personal supply. Okay, she sounded robotic, flat and incapable of original thought, but what's new?”
bottom of page