.
top of page
Search
The government has set a cap on how many more Prime Ministers it will allow to run the country before the next General Election. 'Twenty, tops,' stated a government spokesman, adding, 'and only that many if we can stop the lunatics having a vote.' It isn't clear which lunatics he was talking about, but the consensus is that any attempt to eliminate lunatics must be a good thing. Therefore, any attempt to eliminate any of the current Tory MPs automatically eliminates some lunatics.
'Now that Hunt has found £20 billion of headroom, there must be an opportunity to bring back Truss, she'll blow it in no time' suggested one MP, while another suggested that Boris coming back 'for a day or so' could see that headroom safely allocated to a chum on the VIP lane. Other MPs think that there should be opportunities for previously untried Prime Ministers. 30P Lee Anderson thinks he'd make a great PM, as long as Labour promise not to sniggle, while Priti Patel thinks a smirking PM could be a real asset. Most of the potential PMs are thought to be MPs at greatest risk of losing their seats - the pension of £125k per annum index linked for life each is thought to be a significant motivator.
'We'll probably have a leadership challenge next week, and the week after,' the spokesman said. 'It won't serve any practical purposes, but at least the country won't be watching the rest of us syphon wealth away while the spectacles continue.'
The Prime Minister came out swinging today when he announced his intention to be known as "Rizz Sunak" for the rest of his administration.
'Call me Rizz, yeah?' said Mr Sunak at a press conference, sparking memories of former PM David "Call Me Dave" Cameron, now a cabinet member. He went on, 'The old dishy Rishi is gone, Rizz is here now and he's going to Rizz up this cabinet. Who's with me, Fam?'
A confused press corps looked confused and slightly alarmed as Mr Sunak appeared to be wearing an enormous hoody with the words "Toriez 4 life" on it; red adidas tracksuit bottoms; Blue Nike Air Force ones; and, perhaps most bafflingly, a beanie emblazoned with the Rwandan map.
After taking questions and answering in a bewildering new accent, somewhere in between Eton and East Ham, Mr Sunak said he was leaving to be with his Cabi-fam such as Dowdz (Oliver Dowden), Shappsy (Grant Shapps) and M-Govs (Michael Gove) pointing out that the latter knows where to get the good stuff.
bottom of page