The England and Wales Cricket Board, the national governing body of cricket, has announced a significant change to the rules for assessing the outcome of matches shortened by natural events.
"If one side in a fixed-over cricket match were prevented from playing their full allocation of overs, because of rain or bad light or other natural disasters, how could you tell who had actually won? Previously, two very clever statisticians, Mr Duckworth and Mr Lewis had come up with a system that dealt with that problem. The Duckworth-Lewis method calculated all the various intricacies of runs, wickets, overs, and balls, and determined the winner. Unfortunately, however, that meant that occasionally England still lost. We had to find a better, more effective, means.
"Luckily, we have found two gentlemen whose expertise is exactly in this area of being prevented from completing their expected tasks, for reasons they assure us were completely outside their control. Both of them experienced this end of play in their respective fields. Mr Schofield and Mr Johnson have come up with a modern equivalent which doesn't require calculations, algorithms, formulae or even numbers at all. The Schofield-Johnson method simply insists that they were right all along. No matter what evidence is presented, the new system says, 'No, no, no, England won. That's all there is to it. And anyone who disagrees is obviously quite mistaken and has an alternative agenda. They want England to lose and would throw their country under a cardboard bus to ensure it happens.
The EWCB did some trials with a Trump-Johnson variation, but, regardless of the result, an angry mob ended up storming the pavilion and abusing the cucumber sandwiches in Latin.
Hat tip to FlashArry
Image: PDPics - Pixabay
