Donald Trump has hailed a ground breaking trade deal with the Heard and McDonald Islands.
The President's trade envoy said that the penguins had proved to be tough negotiators. The US team found the penguins hard to contact and that there were communication barriers to overcome. 'Those penguins have an Ozzie accent - and they drive a hard bargain - and they are terrible at golf,' he joked. 'But we did make a deal.'
The core of the deal is an agreement that American exports of fish to the islands will have zero tariffs. In return, America will allow imports of penguin guano and penguin biscuits to be tariff free 'as long as those black and white frickers don't use Chinese cargo ships.'
Tariffs on steel, solar panels, semiconductors, electric cars, avocados and timber will remain at 25% . None of these items are currently produced by the penguins.
Donald Trump is ecstatic. 'I know how to do deals. This is a great deal for America and a great deal for the penguins. This is the first of many beautiful trade deals. So there is no reason for US markets to yo-yo up and down, making us all seasick, any more.'
image from pixabay