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Nominations for House of Lords to include the Mouth of Sauron


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As always, the list includes the absolute dregs of humanity and half the cast Gremlins. If there was roll call of morons, this is it. It should be noted, in 2020 House of Lords beat Mos Eisley to the title of most ‘Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy’ for the tenth time.


The nominations will be confirmed once HR has received their character references from Beelzebub. Meanwhile Santa is said to be angry that his Naughty List has been plagiarized.


Said the Mouth: ‘After a lifetime of evil doing, I’m just glad to be spoken of in the same sentence of Paul Dacre. I may be the Mouth of Sauron but he is surely the Anus of Hell.'



photo: https://pixabay.com/users/makyfoto-448289/

As Nadine offered peerage, the country asks "What on Earth did she see Boris doing?"


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After Gavin Williamson received an extremely unexpected knighthood after walking in on Boris in a "compromising" situation, there is shuddering speculation about what Nadine Dorries witnessed to deserve a peerage.


"It really makes you think, and taste a little bit of sick in the mouth.", said one commentator. "Gavin Williamson was about as likely as Mr Blobby to get a knighthood, but then all became clear. Now Nadine Dorries? If its anything like Williamson, she's probably earned it."


Image from pixabay

Research shows all anti-vaxxers voted Brexit

Updated: Nov 28, 2021


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Government research into the people who refuse to have a Covid-19 vaccine, wear a mask or wash their hands even after wiping their bum after a sh!t also voted for Brexit. 'We expected the demographic to be, like, 52% to 48%,' said a government spokesperson today, 'but no, it's 100% of the anti-vaxxers who have also voted for Brexit.' More importantly, for government experts, is the fact that unlike the general population which is becoming more remain orientated with each government cock-up, the anti-vaxxers are hardening their position.


'The problem for the government is that they need a core of Brexit supporters to be vocally supportive of them by the next election if they are to stand a chance, but at this rate it's unlikely there will be anyone supporting Brexit apart from maskless anti-vaxxers,' said a researcher today. 'Given that the government is actively demonising anti-vaxxers then it looks like they'll struggle to vote for themselves, let alone get anyone from the general public to vote,' he added.


The government is pressing on with a new phase to tackle the challenge despite allegations of electoral fraud and sleaze. 'We intend to award a contract to run the country for another five or so years,' said a government strategist. 'Of course there won't be a competition or any qualifying questions apart from "would you like a peerage to go with that?" Ermine coats will need to be supplied, as well as face masks. As will at least a £3 million donation, as usual.






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