Panic in the Whitehouse as Biden won’t “Wake up” after IT outage

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Bigots boycott Transformers, believing they make people Trans

In a bold, yet stupid move, confident idiots decided to stop buying the Hasbro figurines in order to prevent them forming new trans people. When the top fear search by the misinformed is being sold by top retailers, this thing must go all the way to the top. Toy manufactures. After the release by Hasbro of the anti-man film Barbie, it is only a matter of time before a film about these Transformers hits the cinema.

Observing that these toys change from a car, truck or fighter jet, into something scary and different, it was pretty clear the what the message is. The bigots then added, 'Trans people are scary and different, that’s the message.'

'These things change! We fear change! Join the dots!' was their self-researched hypothesis. This was backed up by a Facebook peer reviewed paper saying, 'Won’t someone think of the children.' Not easy to argue with that.

Due to being a fictional cartoon character, Optimus Prime was unavailable for comment. Suspicious?

Image: https://stablediffusionweb.com/

Written by: billclay

Panic as collective realisation that no one has been keeping an eye on Boris Johnson

Panic gripped Westminster today as there was a collective realisation that no-one had been keeping an eye on Boris Johnson.

'He was here, like 10 days ago, said his close protection guard who chose to remain anonymous, 'but he just muttered some nonsense about "wiff-waff" and barreled out into the garden and ran through a fence. We haven't been able to locate him since.'

The guard said it was not unusual for Mr Johnson to go missing for a few days but he always returned to mate or feed. Or both. 'His instincts are relatively simplistic and easily serviced,' said John Jarrow, Johnson's PA / keeper since 2015, 'but his urges drive him to bolt in order to immediately satisfy himself. Last month he had to be extracted after attacking a horse who he'd thought was challenging his manhood.'

Other Johnson excursions include getting naked and hiding in the luggage stow of a helicopter bound for Guernsey; going missing for a few days and being found in Chichester after being startled by his reflection; and repeatedly humping a mannequin in Selfridges. 'I just fear he's impregnated someone again,' said Jarrow, 'it's difficult to keep up with Boris never mind all of his children too.'