Israel plans to dominate Glastonbury in 2027

Benjamin Netanyahu watched the Glastonbury coverage this year with a growing sense of alarm.

He watched the coverage of Kneecap and Bob Vylan aghast. The crowd was a sea of Palestinian flags. There was not a single star of David to be seen. The mood was far from positive for Israel.

Bibi released that he had badly missed a trick. Glastonbury coverage is shown around the world, and his enemies had scored a massive PR victory.

And so Bibi has decided to create an Israeli supergroup that is so awesome and cool that the band will be a 'must book' for the next Glastonbury Festival in 2027. The musical genre has yet to be decided, but Bibi has suggested a mash-up of the musical styles of The Settlers and Dire Straits.

Bibi plans to build on Israel's four Eurovision wins. He is certain that, with hard work, practice, musical talent and some tactical interventions by Mossad, the goal can be achieved.

Bibi dreams of crowd-surfing at Glastonbury 2027, carried through a sea of Israeli flags. He is sure that the BBC's famed impartiality will help him to broadcast Israel's message of peace, hope, freedom and the obliteration of Gaza, around the globe.

Picture credit: perchance

Charges against Kneecap dropped by the facist pigs

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Palestine Action avoid ban by joining Epstein list

The group’s spokesperson confirmed: ‘You can’t be a proscribed a terror group, if you don’t exist.’ Officials at the Home Office have been left scratching their heads about this legal loophole, said one: ‘Technically you’re not allowed to spray paint RAF aircraft, but I suppose you can if you’re Prince Andrew.’

Members of Palestine Action have been advised to change their names by deed poll to Bill Clinton and Bill Gates, thus making them immune to prosecution. The spokesperson said: ‘Even our controversial views about the Middle East are completely fine, if we just attribute the quotes to Tony Blair’. You might think calling our base of operations Paedo Island, would draw the attention of the police. But if anything, the police have helpfully burned all their documents and offered to turn a blind eye if we need Mossad to assassinate anyone.’

‘Of course the most effective way to avoid criminal prosecution is just to call ourselves Benjamin Netanyahu.’

Image: jarmoluk - Pixabay

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