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The United Kingdom is aiming to recognise a two state solution for Israel and Palestine unless Israel recognises a two state solution for Israel and Palestine, in which case the offer is off the table.


'Of course we'd love to support a two state solution, but if Israel want to do it we'll sit back and probably tut,' said a UK spokesperson today.  He added that if the US recognised a two state solution then the UK 'probably will, too, but not if Russia does, unless Russia and the US agree to both recognise a two state solution. In that case we might.  Or might not,' the spokesman said.


'Is that clear enough?' he asked.


image from pixabay


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Under pressure to do something to alleviate the suffering on the Gaza strip that doesn't include supplying weapons to Israel, the Prime Minister has agreed to recognise that Palestine is 'in a bit of a state', adding 'but it appears to be in the State of Israel', which appears to be his problem.


image from pixabay


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Benjamin Netanyahu watched the Glastonbury coverage this year with a growing sense of alarm.


He watched the coverage of Kneecap and Bob Vylan aghast. The crowd was a sea of Palestinian flags. There was not a single star of David to be seen. The mood was far from positive for Israel.


Bibi released that he had badly missed a trick. Glastonbury coverage is shown around the world, and his enemies had scored a massive PR victory.


And so Bibi has decided to create an Israeli supergroup that is so awesome and cool that the band will be a 'must book' for the next Glastonbury Festival in 2027. The musical genre has yet to be decided, but Bibi has suggested a mash-up of the musical styles of The Settlers and Dire Straits.


Bibi plans to build on Israel's four Eurovision wins. He is certain that, with hard work, practice, musical talent and some tactical interventions by Mossad, the goal can be achieved.


Bibi dreams of crowd-surfing at Glastonbury 2027, carried through a sea of Israeli flags. He is sure that the BBC's famed impartiality will help him to broadcast Israel's message of peace, hope, freedom and the obliteration of Gaza, around the globe.



Picture credit: perchance

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