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Reviews are in and the new Alton Tower's style ride high in the hills of Northern Pakistan has got stunning reviews from its 1st time riders. The new attraction in the remote region of Battagram, in Pakistan’s northwest, has been named 'Suspense' and it really lived up to its name. Whereas most rides of this type are over in a few minutes, 'Suspense' offered its riders literally hours and hours of adrenaline filled fun.


Speaking in an exclusive to Newsbiscuit, lucky initial rider, Shittin Miself revealed, "Unlike other theme parks, there was no queue or height restrictions for the ride. We didn't even have to strap ourselves in or anything. It was very laissez faire to be honest. I wasn't all that impressed at first but I hadn't realised what the ride involved. In fact the promotional material was very vague. And to be honest I can't read so it didn't really matter."


"So when the first cable snapped I was like 'wow' I didn't expect that. And then when the second cable snapped well that was just amazing. Then the canopy started to sway. It was brilliant. Normally these rides don't live up to the hype but we got fantastic views, a great sunset, helicopters, abseiling commandoes and then a final ride on a zip wire. Just mad. I can't wait to do it all again. Inshallah."


image from pixabay



The Pakistani government has made a controversial choice by choosing to elect outspoken former Yorkshire cricketer and grumpy old bugger, Geoffrey Boycott, as a replacement for outgoing Prime Minister, Imran Khan. Mr Khan's supporters are furious that he has been dropped and have taken to the streets, demanding action replays and use of the DRS.


Boycott has agreed to pad up and walk out to the crease and has promised to put Pakistan back on the world map.


"Khan was OK as a one day Prime Minister, or even a 20-20 leader but, on the big occasions, he needed to use his skills better and put in much more effort. He needed more games and not just on Sunday afternoons", he told our reporter.


He continued, "Khan has had a terrible innings. My grandmother could have done a better job than that."


Boycott is said to have already put together a Trophy Cabinet, his first eleven, which includes Wasim Akram, Waqar Younis, and Dickie Bird as Chancellor of the Exchequer.


Boycott's grandmother was unavailable for comment.



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