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Geoffrey Boycott to replace Imran Khan as Pakistani leader



The Pakistani government has made a controversial choice by choosing to elect outspoken former Yorkshire cricketer and grumpy old bugger, Geoffrey Boycott, as a replacement for outgoing Prime Minister, Imran Khan. Mr Khan's supporters are furious that he has been dropped and have taken to the streets, demanding action replays and use of the DRS.


Boycott has agreed to pad up and walk out to the crease and has promised to put Pakistan back on the world map.


"Khan was OK as a one day Prime Minister, or even a 20-20 leader but, on the big occasions, he needed to use his skills better and put in much more effort. He needed more games and not just on Sunday afternoons", he told our reporter.


He continued, "Khan has had a terrible innings. My grandmother could have done a better job than that."


Boycott is said to have already put together a Trophy Cabinet, his first eleven, which includes Wasim Akram, Waqar Younis, and Dickie Bird as Chancellor of the Exchequer.


Boycott's grandmother was unavailable for comment.




First published 13 April 2022



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The next Hollywood blockbuster: American Cricket!

In the aftermath of the USA’s shock win over Pakistan in the T20 Cricket World Cup, Warner Brothers has greenlighted the script of ‘American Cricket!’ for production next summer.


In ‘American Cricket!’ we follow the adventures of a bunch of amateur college kids who play cricket in their spare time under the management of wise old West Indies legend Sir Viv Richards (Morgan Freeman) and captained by Chuck ‘Sixhit’ Patterson (Ryan Reynolds) as they fight the Pakistan team’s evil plan to drop a series of incendiary bombs disguised as cricket balls on the White House and Trump Tower.


The USA squad is hit by tragedy early on when Chuck’s best friend and the only black player on the squad, fast-pitcher Ricky Ray Reems (Martin Lawrence), is killed in a mysterious incident while they inspect the square at Met Life Stadium in New Jersey. Nonetheless, they bravely fight on to secure a last-ball win over Papua New Guinea.


In the divisional round, the plucky underdogs come up against a sneering upper class England team, managed by villainous Sir Henry Ffarquarshon-Smythe (Jeremy Irons) who try to re-establish colonial control over the liberty-loving Americans. They are foiled when last-minute replacement Steve ‘Rock-Hard’ Watson (Vin Diesel) pitches a no-hitter to send the crowd into wild chants of ‘U-S-A! U-S-A!’ at the last-ball win.


In the final, even more villainous Pakistan captain Osama Bin Badman (is Omar Sharif still alive? Please check) begins their innings with a murderous assault in which over 50,000 rounds of bullets are fired but none of the Americans get hurt. Then in a tense finish, Chuck manages to hit a home run over deep midwicket to seal another last ball win.


At some point Chuck’s beautiful blonde girlfriend Casey (Margot Robbie) will get her kit off, because of course she will.


image from pixabay

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