Labour in favour of Will Smith smacking your children

Rather than mirror Scottish laws, the Labour Party supports chastising children using a Hollywood A-lister, a flick of the wrist and a heart felt apology via their agent. The compromise of outsourcing the smacking, means parents can keep a clear conscience and Mr Smith can keep in work - now the movies have dried up.

The Shadow Health Secretary insisted that getting spanked by Will Smith had never done him any harm and was worth every penny: 'As long as it doesn't leave a mark or lead to anyone losing an Oscar'.

At the Oscars

Putin first world leader to send message of congratulations to Will Smith

Despite having other fish frying, Russian despot Vladimir Putin, has been quick off the mark and becomes the first world leader to congratulate Will Smith, after the Men In Black star sensationally decked presenter Chris Rock live on stage at the Oscars ceremony.

A Kremlin spokesman said: 'This is pure gold for Mr Putin. It has shown the world there is an even bigger twonk than he is. With such an ill-judged action in the full glare of the world's media, this mudak, Smith, makes Mr Putin look like a tactical genius. Now we have a golden chance to brush our own monumental military cock-ups and war crimes under the carpet, as this utterly pointless Oscars story is going to run and run for weeks. Trust me, comrade.'

Meanwhile experts are divided over the unprecedented event. One high profile box-office hot ticket star attending the Vanity Fair after-party said: 'It was quite a moment wasn't it? Speaking for myself, though, I can honestly say had I been there I don't know which of them I'd have decked first. Irrespective of any jokes or slurs.'

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