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OAP categories added to Oscars


In recognition of the fact that old people's taste in film may differ from younger filmgoers, the Academy has decided to introduce several Oscars to be voted for exclusively by their OAP members.


The special awards, sponsored jointly by Saga Holidays and Tena incontinence pads, have already attracted a great deal of interest. Speculation is rife that the Best OAP Film will go to "You know, it's got that actor you like in it", with "The one with that woman who was in that other thing" coming a close second.


"He was in that film with that woman" is making a strong showing for Best OAP Actor, with Best OAP Actress likely to go to "Sorry, were you talking to me?" Suggestions to combine the two with a gender-neutral category were sent away with a flea in their ear, and mutterings about "That's not how we won the war..."


It's thought that winning actors and directors will honour the category not only by not preparing acceptance speeches, but by going on stage and forgetting what they went there for.



First published 12 Mar 2023



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Cinema to trial “playing off” long, self-indulgent films



The tendency of actors to use awards ceremonies as a platform for long self-indulgent speeches has long been the bane of TV producers trying to prevent the show overrunning.


Repeat offender Adrien Brady spoke for seemingly several hours after winning 2025’s Best Actor Oscar for his role in The Brutalist, thanking everyone he ever met as well as setting out his philosophy of life, the universe and everything.


“He even shared some favourite recipes at one point,” said one veteran Oscars watcher. “Though to be honest, I may have nodded off and dreamed that bit.”


“It was exactly like the film,” said Dave Acrylic, manager of the Vue Multiplex cinema in Hanworth. “It carried on long after you’d got the point it was trying to make, and in the end just got tedious.


”Which made me think, why not just ‘play off’ any film that outstays its welcome by just rolling the closing credits?”


He added that he hadn’t yet worked out exactly when this would be for every film, though in the case of The Brutalist he thought “probably about the beginning of the third day.”


image from pixabay


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