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While middle-age cokesters complain about ticket touts, Britain's least favourite Keir has wrangled comps and a backstage pass to Noel's sulky boudoir. However 'Freebie Keith', as he is known, is keeping a low profile, for fear of the public backlash and having to pay for them himself.
The reunion gig has kickstarted a wave of nostalgia, for a simpler time of no GPS, MCU and plenty cheap whizz. 90s BritPop represents a high point in British culture and a low point in musical history. Starmer is said to be a massive fan of any band that promises so much and delivers so little. He particularly identifies with the Gallagher's ability to be popular yet despised at the same time. He knows what it is like to be a self-loathing tribute act, with no discernible skills, other than a hatred of the poor people that got you there.
Getting tickets proved no more difficult than getting an aide to pick up the phone and promise Oasis £3bn in NHS contracts and a Ministerial post. The PM is hoping to blend in with the crowd in his three-piece neon tracksuit, but as one music journalist commented: 'If he wanted to go unnoticed, he should just dress up as one of his policies.'
Government sources are suggesting the Prime Minister may resell his three Oasis tickets in an attempt to plug the Government’s 22 billion pound financial blackhole heading off the need for tax rises in the October budget.
As dynamic pricing has inflated Oasis ticket prices to more than the cost of renewing Trident and the because the Prime Minister’s wife prefers Megadeth, Sir Keir is open to offers for the tickets.
The Prime Minister was looking forward to the gig at Heaton Park. Staring at a crowd of bucket hats makes a welcome change from staring at a crowd of bucket heads on the opposition back benches.
Dynamic pricing of Oasis tickets means the Gallagher brothers stand to make substantial earnings from their performances next year. This is all a far cry from their impoverished early lives in Manchester. The extortionately high ticket prices will, however, provide a lucky opportunity for thousands of fans in Manchester to experience the brothers’ early life for themselves now.
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