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Numbers want their hashtag back




Numbers are divided. Some of them want their hash symbol (#) back, some are against the idea. Speaking for 7, 8, 9, the number 10 said, 'Since # was promoted to online hashtag status, we've been feeling a bit lonely.' 10 quickly added, 'Although not as lonely as number 1, of course.'


Number 3 isn't convinced. 'I'm not really sure that # really helped us in any way. Everyone sort of knew we were numbers, and putting # in front of us seemed somewhat superfluous. And people with bad handwriting sometimes made it look like I was 43 instead of #3. That sort of confusion can quickly multiply and become a real minus.'


# said, 'Will I ever go back to my old digit colleagues? Nº.'


Bus used for funeral procession 'failed to stop at the cemetery'




When a number 13 bus was used to convey a London veteran bus driver on his last journey, the organisers failed to consider the correct route. 'We picked him up from his house, which really needed to be a number 14x,' said Bert today. 'It would have been better if he'd travelled from the chapel of rest as that's a number 16 and goes straight past the cemetery, although with it being a request stop it could still cause problems,' he added.


The deceased driver's family travelled in a Corporation bus that was supposed to follow the lead bus, but in fact diverted to the railway station as a rail replacement service due to the strikes. 'It was a shock, but I was able to pop into Tesco while it waited for the connecting service,' the bus driver's widow said. 'Unfortunately it never went anywhere near the cemetery so we all missed the burial.'


The officiating priest caught an Uber and was waiting for three quarters of an hour until he got a call advising that the coffin was sitting in lost property back at the depot. 'His wife's got six months to claim him, otherwise he's off to landfill, ironically' said a Corporation spokesman.

Big Bird admits role in vaccine conspiracy

Updated: Dec 23, 2021


Sesame Street character Big Bird has accepted accusations he is helping to front a pro-government propaganda campaign and is part of a global Covid conspiracy.


Fox News and tin foil hat aficionado Warren Wright, said ‘Big Bird is an agent of the deep fried chicken state, a Chinese Communist Party kung po patsy. He’s part of the yellow peril, brought to you by the letter Q and the number 45.’


Big Bird’s law firm, Bert and Ernie LLP, issued a statement saying ‘Our client was told it was take big pharma’s money or they’d arrange a meeting with Colonel Sanders. An eight foot tall, bright yellow flightless bird can’t go into hiding, so now he’s count von counting his backhanders, although you grouches are making it el-mo’ money, el-mo' problems. He couldn’t give two Ted Cruzes about Covid, bird flu is the real issue. That and Colonel Sanders.’






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