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Speaking to a packed press conference she confessed that she had a beachside property near Hastings. Her aide confirmed: 'Scotland is cold and miserable - and that's it's best bits.'
Many in the Scottish Independence movement will have felt betrayed by her admission that Burns Night sounded like an evening spent in A&E. The aide said: 'Since leading the SNP, she's really struggled to understand the accent. Quite frankly, anyone from Glasgow is unintelligible.'
In a carefully worded statement, she confirmed that she never liked whiskey and felt that kilts were ridiculous. 'She's a big Arsenal fan and gets a nosebleed every time she goes north of the Watford Gap. Technically she will be supporting the independence movement, but this time from the right side of the border.'
The Guardian Surgeon Squits
The Mail Politics is brutal, says Scottish c*nt
Daily Record Oot Nanny!
The Sun Tits!
The Express Together we can beat haemorrhoids, vows Rishi
The Star Alien Tits! The Telegraph Big Brexit Boost for the letter B!
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