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Following the Health Secretary declaring that mental illness is over-diagnosed, there has been a spike in nationwide depression. He explained that anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts was just having a normal, healthy reaction to having him as Health Secretary.


His spokeswoman insisted:


'Paranoia is not a thing' Which is exactly what we thought she would say. 'Gaslighting? There's no such thing.'


She said people just need to get back to work, not that it would solve their mental health problems but it would at least give them something tangible to moan about. 'They are all fine, it's just in their heads.'



Confusion has followed the announcement that Labour would be cutting the NHS, mainly because we thought it had been phased out years ago. Now it turns out they plan to remove the administrative regulator of the NHS and replace it with a pothole, filled patient data and regret.


The PM made it clear that the £8bn funding shortfall would be made it up from saved post-it notes. Any vital jobs will be replaced by AI and a quick game of Hasbro's Operation. A Government spokeswoman clarified: 'We are absolutely not getting rid of the NHS core services...that's next week.'


Image: WixAI

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