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NASA Director of Rocket Science, Hank Eagleburger, has called out social media trolls who have attacked the agency for forgetting they’d already been to the moon.


Following the launch of a brand new $384bn rocket, Instagram and Tik Tok were swamped with thousands of photographs detailing six missions to the moon which supposedly occurred almost fifty years ago. These include several pictures of an astronaut called Neil Armstrong playing golf and several alleged moon rocks roughly the size of peas.


‘Everyone knows these photos are one giant hoax for mankind,’ growled Eagleburger at a press conference he called this morning. ‘Why the heck would we be going back to a place we’d already been?’


He said there was simply no evidence to support the theorist’s claims. Extensive carbon testing and state-of-the-art scanning techniques had proved beyond all reasonable doubt that the so-called moon rocks were, in fact, actual peas.




Following the success of their asteroid smashing experiment, controllers based at the Johns Hopkins University Applied Physics Laboratory (JHU-APL) say they will now turn their attention to the rock-like substance that lies between Kwasi Kwarteng’s ears.


Space agency executive Dr. Doris Glazier admitted they were not sure if the Kwarteng impact would be as successful as the deep space collision, but they would at least give it a go.


‘The DART probe only had to travel seven million miles to reach its destination before smashing into the asteroid.

It sounds impressive, but Kwarteng inhabits a totally different solar system to the rest of us and we’re not entirely sure if he can be reached.


And as his mini-budget showed, Kwarteng’s brain is thicker than any space rock known to man.

DART was travelling at 15,000 mph when it crashed into the asteroid, but we’re not sure if that would have any significant impact on the rubble found inside the Chancellor’s brain.


But we have to try; we need to find something to make him change direction. The asteroid rocket may be our only chance’.


Observers say Mr Kwarteng’s policies could bring about the death of the last remaining dinosaurs on Earth, or the Tory party as they are more commonly known here in the UK.


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