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BBC to be funded by Twitter Verified status



With the licence fee unlikely to be extended beyond FY 26/27, the BBC is searching for ways to fund itself.  'Obviously advertising isn't going to work,' a corporation spokesman stated, noting the decline in advertising revenue globally that would only be diluted by the BBC entering the party.  It was thought that making the taxpayer fund the broadcaster was the solution - practically the same as a licence fee but just not pretending the licence isn't a tax.  But then it was noted that Sky owner, Rupert Murdoch, appeared to support the idea.  'So that's off the table, then,' said the spokesman.


A subscription model has been discussed, but it is thought to be as successful as running a Premier football team without a shady oligarch funding the 95% shortfall in costs being covered, or not covered, by ticket sales.  'Shame really, as some of our staff are paid like Premier League footballers, especially as some of them used to be Premier League footballers,' he added.


'We did consider the GB News model - spout fascist propaganda 24/7, employ horrible, nasty presenters and market mainly hate, but to be fair Laura Kuenssberg is already filling that role and then you're back to the 95% of costs needed to be covered by a shady oligarch,' he said.


'So, we've decided to invest £8 a month for a verified blue tick - it actually wasn't the BBC who got the verified tick, it was a made up person called @brian0999945733745 who got it - and all our content is going to run on Twitter and Musk will pay, pay, pay,' said the Spokesman.  


'We're not doing it on Facebook, though.  That would be really lowering ourselves.  We've got standards,' he lied.


Murdoch to retire, leaving Evil nothing to do



Beelzebub is said to be distraught that his right hand man and left testicle, is stepping back from day to day wickedness. Sadly, Fox Corporation will be rudderless and missing the smell of sulphur.


Rupert Murdoch has left an indelible mark on the print media, usually in the form of a cloven hoof. No one can underestimate his contribution to public discourse if you are a fan of shouting racist puns or t$ts.


Feared by politicians for being every bit as unethical as they are, Murdoch was a figure to be reckoned with, provided that figure was 666. He has told friends he plans to bow out with dignity, as a fiery pit opens up beneath his feet and he descends to the dark underworld from which he came - Australia.

Widget-maker's reputation "will never recover from this," the nation is told


A widget-making firm which employed someone who hooked up with young people online is now "irreparably damaged" and "doomed", according to impartial industry commentators.


"I can't see how anyone will buy a single widget from this manufacturer ever again," they continued, impartially.


The commentators on this matter all run rival widget companies, and would like nothing better than to see the century-old British Widget Corporation close down.


"The government must respond to this earth-shattering scandal by immediately scrapping the Widget Licence Fee, so we can make more money," said a spokeswoman for Sky Widgets.




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