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Putin looking at moving to a Bungalow




Due to the recent defenestration outbreak in Russian and surrounding Oligarch properties, Putin was seen leafing through single story property brochures. Using the excuse that having another floor is a decadent western excess and stairs are for Nazis, Putin wants to always remain at ground level rather than being accelerated into it at 9.81 meters per second. There are only so many trampolines, inflatable ball pits and old mattresses that can be positioned under windows around his dacha before a burnt-out Lada on bricks wouldn’t look out of place.


A source stated that a large dining room for Putin’s preferred table is also essential.



Luton man loses house after accepting "Legitimate Interest" of fraudsters to steal it

Updated: Nov 26, 2021



A Luton man found that his house had been sold while he was working away from home, and all his belongings stripped from it, after carelessly accepting the 'legitimate interest' of a range of companies to meddle in his life.

“All I wanted to do was to use a website to book a holiday” said the man, “so when a popup asked me about 'legitimate interest',naturally I clicked OK. I mean, I thought that sounded legit - literally. Then I when I came back home I found the locks changed, my life’s belongings on ebay, and my house sold for £130k as ‘an attractive two bed property in a desirable suburb, albeit with some need for refurbishment’. How dare they!? Apart from my life being in tatters now, we repainted the bathroom only last year, what more do you want?”


“It’s quite simple” said Ms Arabella Fortescue, of You're Fortescued Property Retail. “As estate agents, we have a legitimate interest in anyone’s house, flat, maisonette or garden shed, so as soon as you click “OK” we’re in. Just like LoanShark Inc has a legitimate interest in this man's bank details, and Rupert the smooth-talking barman has a legitimate interest in his daughter’s phone number.”


While the man faces a struggle to re-orient his life now he is of no fixed abode, he can console himself that at least he is spared the trouble of dealing with the several thousand tonnes of sugary foodstuffs that are already on their way to his previous address, thanks to him agreeing to “accept all cookies”.






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