Disappointing children’s action figure Rishi Sunak has urged homeowners to work harder on their drinking in order to overcome rising mortgages.
‘Look, I realise most people are paying an extra £500 per month, and that’s apparently challenging for many of you’, he told reporters. ‘That’s why we’ve reduced the price of a pint of beer by 11p. A mere 151 pints a day is the break-even point. Obviously it would be better if you just bought the house outright, but if you will insist on using a mortgage you can now offset some or all of the additional expense with cheap beer’.
Critics have pointed out that beer duty hasn’t fallen, it’s stayed the same – in pubs – while rising 10.1% on cans and bottles from off-licences.
‘Ah’, said Sunak, ‘I’m glad you spotted that. Inflation means that a price freeze is the same as a price cut. Glad we cleared that up. I want to get people back into pubs – don’t ask me why, I assume Infosys has just bought a few thousand – so I’m making them more competitive’.
If the beer thing proves popular with voters Sunak has promised to take a look at bread and circuses.
