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After planning the most diverse space crew since Star Trek: the Next Generation, with four semi-geriatrics covering both male and female astronauts and including a first for a moon mission: a person of colour and, controversially, a Canadian, though not necessarily the same person, NASA has now outlined its plans for Artemis 3 which will land a crew of four-ish on the surface of the moon.
'We intend to select talented non-binary, gender fluid individuals who have interesting, if incomprehensible, pronouns,' stated a NASA spokesperson, who answered to the pronoun s(he), or 'Them' for short. 'We've reached out to the LGBTQαβγ∆ρσ+ community, essentially the brightest non-binary personnel we have access to,' added the spokeswhatsit. 'The watchword is woke, and we're going where no Murdock newspaper has ever gone before,' the representative stated firmly, but without causing offence, obviously.
The spokewibble admitted that the Artemis 3 mission will rely on essentially a giant phallic shaped rocket funded by the least woke, essentially misogynistic owner of SpaceX, admitting it looked like a giant cock. 'As does the rocket,' he/she,them added.
NASA Director of Rocket Science, Hank Eagleburger, has called out social media trolls who have attacked the agency for forgetting they’d already been to the moon.
Following the launch of a brand new $384bn rocket, Instagram and Tik Tok were swamped with thousands of photographs detailing six missions to the moon which supposedly occurred almost fifty years ago. These include several pictures of an astronaut called Neil Armstrong playing golf and several alleged moon rocks roughly the size of peas.
‘Everyone knows these photos are one giant hoax for mankind,’ growled Eagleburger at a press conference he called this morning. ‘Why the heck would we be going back to a place we’d already been?’
He said there was simply no evidence to support the theorist’s claims. Extensive carbon testing and state-of-the-art scanning techniques had proved beyond all reasonable doubt that the so-called moon rocks were, in fact, actual peas.
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