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Trump University to reopen with new courses and promises not to be a massive scam



After being shut down for being a massive scam, Trump University is to reopen with a brand-new set of courses for the easily manipulated.


Media Control and Propaganda Studies

The fact that you enrolled in this course shows how successful this can be

Financial Mismanagement and Money Laundering

How to prevent people following the money

Crypto investing and swindling

You will learn all sorts of new investment techniques such as “rug pulls” and “Pump and dump” which are just as hideous as they sound.

Construction Engineering of Internment camps

Lessons cover tower construction, field of fire management and anti-tunnel techniques along with how best to include a children’s play area.

Revisionist History with alternative studies

Did Hitler really do anything wrong?


Extracurricular activities could involve joining the same-coloured shirt society, this year’s colour is brown.


Image: WixAI

Bank protests after man refuses to open account with them



A bank, which cannot be named for legal reasons, has issued a formal complaint that a potential customer is refusing to deposit any money with them. In a statement made to the BBC, the bank claimed that 'He clearly had a problem, for some reason, with us providing banking services to various dodgy overseas customers based in the Cayman Isles, Russia and Belarus, Sicily, Myanmar, North Korea, plus a few Nigerian Princes as well as funding several arms companies making chemical and biological weapons. If he only knew some of our worst clients are in the City of London.'


'Load of bollocks' said Robert Cratchett 'I simply hadn't got enough money to make it worth opening a bank account anywhere. I have offered the bank my resignation.'


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