New talent show - The Double-X Factor

ITV has announced the launch of a new talent show, The Double-X Factor.

The format will be similar to its famous predecessor, The X Factor, except that any woman who does too well will immediately be accused of being a man.

No amount of producing birth certificates or passports, or pointing out that being a man wouldn’t give them an advantage anyway, will satisfy the snarling newspaper columnists, former children’s authors or keyboard warriors of X (formerly Twitter, now Double-X).

Each show will culminate in the judges lasciviously baying for the contestant to strip naked to prove she’s a woman, leading one audience member to say the idea that Simon Cowell has any desire to see a naked woman was 'the most implausible thing I’ve been expected to believe yet'.

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Sam Levinson to produce new show featuring sad, naked teenagers

Following the cancellation of the salacious and controversial HBO drama 'The Idol', Sam Levinson has announced his newest project, which will buck the trend of his previous projects by featuring sad, naked, coke-thin women having horrible sex.

'We’re really breaking new ground here,' the Euphoria director tells us. 'Euphoria was about teenagers having degrading sex, doing drugs, and being traumatised. The Idol was about a female singer having degrading sex, doing drugs, and being traumatised. I have always centred women in my stories, and I always will. Especially when they’re in pain and naked.'

Levinson’s newest project features a young, beautiful, and damaged Instagram influencer called Isabella, who begins an Onlyfans account because her dad died or something. Levinson admits that he was drawn to the idea of teenage girls expressing their angst by getting naked on webcam: 'It’s such a subversive and controversial form of empowerment,' he says. 'I believe that I’m the perfect person to depict the nuances of this experience. I know all about those websites.'

While Levinson has disclosed that there will be protracted scenes of the character performing weird sex acts on screen, there will also be a short sequence in which she cries at her own reflection while applying red lipstick, proving that the material will be carefully balanced. 'To all the prudes that are worried about me exploiting teenage girls, it won’t all be about sex. There’ll also be a few party scenes too, some coke snorting and a hot tub sequence.'

Image: charlesdeluvio (@charlesdeluvio) | Unsplash Photo Community

‘Ugh, but when is it International Men’s Day’ asks douchebag

International Women’s Day takes place on 8th March and as usual the idea of devoting as many as one day out of 365 to the social, economic, cultural, and political achievements of women has been deemed unnecessary by some men.

‘Never mind the gender pay gap and domestic violence… a whole day for women is too woke.’ shouted one man. ‘I don’t like women’s football either. England’s women made the men look bad by winning a tournament after the advent of colour television. Winning something after men (not women) walked on the moon. It’s unnatural.’

‘I’ve internalised my misogyny’ said one woman deferentially ‘I always have my man’s dinner on the table when he gets home and I can’t wait for International Men’s Day on 19th November.’

Image: BananaStock Photos | FreeImages

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