Vape company mascot “Mr Cuddles” denies claims of targeting children

With flavours like bubblegum, candyfloss and Baby Formula, the vape industry is being accused of aiming its products at impressionable underage adults. The bright blue furry spokesperson said, between panicked, clouded inhalations, that it was just a witch hunt, funded by the Big Ashtray Lobby.

They waved away the new promotional targeted advertisements with subjects such as “What is Barbies favourite vape flavour” and “Why Batman prefers the mysterious vapour cloud of a Vape Pen to Nicorette patches.”

Leaked documents from another leading vape producer have provided damning evidence such as:

• A proposal to MacDonalds for McNugget flavoured vapes available in Happy Meals

• Schematic drawings of an oversized vape pen PEZ dispenser

• An e-mail to Duplo about producing a “My First Vape” set

The government Health Minister said that children must not be subject to the peer pressure of trying vapes and if they want to look cool, nothing beats the smooth draw of a Marlboro Red.

Photo by Nery Zarate on Unsplash

Illegal Immigration Minister arrested after complaints from Legal Migration Minister

The friction between the two roles was apparent from the start and was never going to work. The Immigration Ministerial position was split in two last year and no one in power recognised the risk of introducing a pro illegal immigration role.

The foreign secretary, soon to be Grant Shapps, was appalled that a minister was able to illegally operate in such a high position and was so brazen about their nefarious activities that they actually had “illegal” in their job description. The home secretary, soon to be Grant Shapps again, has blamed Labour for not having an effective plan of dealing with this kind of problem and said it would only get worse under a Keir Starmer regime.

The Minister of defence, Grant Shapps, said that this arrest marked a success in defending Britain and showed how effective all of his policies have been in all of his roles.

The minister for common sense, soon to be Grant Shapps, said, “Well it’s just common sense innit.” And who can argue with that.

The arrested minister was taken away and forcibly shown a picture of Rwanda.

image from pixabay

Another month, another Ministry for the Flotsam Kid