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Govt plan to create 'Fake South Coast' to trick migrants



The government today announced plans to float a facsimile of the South Coast in the English Channel in the hope that migrants will land there instead of the UK mainland. The floating construction is to be moored just off the coast, and to be designed with white cliffs and sandy beaches to look just like the real thing. It will also be equipped with beach huts, food and water, toilet facilities, medical supplies, beachwear and plenty of toiletries and towels.


The plan is that once a sufficient number of migrants have landed on the pretend England, it will set sail for the Atlantic and head South, to drop anchor off the shores of Morocco, never to return. Meanwhile, another such floating artifice will put in its place, to continue the process.


Critics have observed that, because the ships are sailing to warmer climes, have plentiful free accommodation, will have no old or infirm dependents, no billion-pound national debt and no taxation, they may therefore be filled to capacity with migrants from England.



Labour's plan to stop the smuggling gangs with co-operatives


Labour have devised a radical plan to stop the smuggling gangs with co-operatives. An anonymous source has shown our reporter a secret internal Labour Party document which outlines an innovative plan to stop the gangs smuggling migrants across the English Channel.


The idea is to undercut the gangs by using traditional socialist methods. Migrants will be encouraged to form their own co-operative societies to facilitate the crossing of the channel. These clubs will source boats, life jackets and essential supplies.


An international association formed from these local groups will produce pamphlets in several languages giving advice on navigation, survival at sea, and how to call the coastguard once the halfway point has been crossed.


The hoped-for effect is that the gangs will find their huge profits have disappeared. If the co-operatives make any profits, they will be reinvested or distributed to members.


A Labour Party spokesman refused to confirm or deny the authenticity of the plan. But he did say that it was important for Labour to stick to its principles whilst in government. 'These violent, capitalist gangs were classic exploiters of poor working class migrants,' he said. 'It was a manifesto commitment to stop the gangs, not the migrants'


Picture credit: Wix AI

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