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Baroness Mone denies massive pants-factory fire has links to PPE affair



Lingerie millionairess Baroness Mone has said the huge pants-fire in her lingerie factory near Slough is "unconnected" to the controversy over her lies regarding PPE. She issued a statement saying the fact the fire broke out the very moment she admitted to Laura Kuenssberg she had been lying was a "pure coincidence".

'There has been a lot of arson around and I can only put the fire down to people who want to hurt me' Baroness Mone continued. She denies that she and her husband had been arson around for nearly two years before telling the truth about their part in the PPE affair.


'The pants factory and its contents are very well insured and like any careful and successful business people, we protect our assets and stand to make a little extra to cover the expenses of the claim,' she said in an independent multi-million feature film starring Tom Cruise which she wrote, produced and directed.

'The pants factory and the film were financed by a company owned by my husband, a man who I have never met in my life. Our two children, who were conceived postally, are the ones I would go to any lengths to protect.'


It's understood that Baroness's pants-empire has now started making fireproof pants and Piers Morgan is set to publicly endorse them for an undisclosed sum of £60million.


In some unheard clips from her Kuenssberg interview Mone added:


'It's lucky I was a Conservative peer, otherwise it would have been much more difficult to recommend my husband's company to supply useless PPE and personally profit from the catastrophic outbreak of a killer disease... It is difficult being a Baroness with 60 million quid that I shouldn't have. The struggle is real - can you even buy a super yacht with that? My diamond slippers are a bit tight actually... How best to distract jaded newspaper editors from a story about public sector procurement? Well, I'm a lingerie tycoon, so, tits.'


H/T: stewartbarclay


First published 19 Dec 2023



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Welcome relief for flood victims as Baroness Mone pledges use of a yacht

There was welcome relief for stranded flood victims this morning after Baroness Mone pledged the use of one of her yachts. With over 121 flood warnings still in place across the UK the Baroness’s generosity could not come at a better time.


Despite the pledge only covering Conservative held constituencies in the south of England the gesture still highlights the caring side of the much maligned peer said GBNews anchor Jake ReeMogg. The yacht - named the PeePeeEnterprise or PPE for short - will start ferrying fee paying passengers later today.


Baroness Mone said she bough the yacht in order to protect her family from press intrusion but was prepared to see it used to help out distressed Tory voters who could afford to be rescued.


‘Since being awarded over £200m by the Government to supply the NHS with essential medical equipment via my bra and knicker company my life has been a living hell’ Mone told Mr.ReeMogg ‘I sometimes wish I was not a multi-millionaire peer living in a tax haven….but that is something I have to deal with on my own terms.


At times I have been treated like one of Pablo Escobar’s hippos…..originally introduced to brighten up the place but now seen as a grave error of judgement. But I am hoping that by pledging my yacht for just £500 per ride for flood victims people will now start to see me in a different light’.




Wicked Witch of the West’s Flying Monkey: We're scapegoats for Ruby Slipper failures



One of the flying monkeys from the Wicked Witch of the West’s troop says he and his mistress are being "hung out to dry" to distract from Wizard Of Oz’s government’s "incompetence" on procuring personal brain, heart and courage equipment.


Writing on Golden-X, (formally Goose Twitter) Monkey No 1. said it "suits the agenda" of Dorothy and her raggle taggle band to "scapegoat" them.


The Wicked Witches of the East and West were awarded contracts to supply Ruby Slippers through a so-called "V.I.P. Yellow Brick Road".


They are now being investigated by both the Lullaby League and The Lollipop Guild.



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