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Former Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster, Michael ‘Et Tu Brute’ Gove has refuted claims that ‘the darkness inside him’ is in fact an evil superpower of galactic proportions, which if unleashed, would make the new Tory frontbench burn even faster than a moisture farmer on Tatooine. He has now set his sights on going all the way to the top and may very soon make his move to become the new Leader of the Galactic Empire.
Gove, who has taken to appearing via hologram at meetings to ‘cut down on his carbon footprint’ and is now frequently seen wearing a hooded cloak to ‘save money on the heating bill’, has tried to assure the public he is behaving this way purely to emphasise the key issues the government are failing to address, and certainly not because he plans to ‘strike anyone down with all his hatred’ any time soon. In an attempt to convince sceptics that there is no sinister undercurrent to his actions, Gove took to Twitter to condemn ‘the feeble skills’ of former colleagues who are trying to discredit him and tweeted that, ‘U-turns on tax cuts are no match for the power of the darkside, er I mean robust fiscal policy.’ Gove’s tweet has so far only been liked and retweeted by one other Twitter user – a political influencer and trance DJ who goes by the name of Darth Insidious.
Image: Pexels | Pixabay
Updated: Oct 7, 2022
Prime minister Liz Truss has announced that the full spectrum of recreational drugs will be legalized for anyone earning over 100,000 pounds a year.
The announcement, made at a late night social gathering of party members and key fundraisers, gained rapturous applause with current rebel-leader-in-chief Michael Gove described as applauding almost "manically" while waving around two glowsticks.
Under further questioning today on the policy, when asked what legalizing cocaine would do to help Britain's economy Liz Truss pointed out that the average family would only pay 2500 pounds for a gas bill. When pressed on how this would actually help the poorer classes she pointed out that if the poor wanted drugs all they had to do was go to prison, where they would be bound to find some for sale.
Kwasi Kwarteng emphasized the importance of the policy by pointing out that if rich people bought so many drugs they just couldn't take them all, then they might give a couple of lines to someone in the street, so the poor would benefit in the medium term.
Story: RichT
photo: https://pixabay.com/users/mikewildadventure-3422441/
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