UK temperatures set to exceed Corfu next week - according to MSM

Get your sun block ready, the temperature in parts of the UK - not your part, obviously, it never is - are set to exceed those in Corfu next week. 

Admittedly Corfu is looking like it is in line for a sh!t week weatherwise, but the point of dramatic headlines isn't to inform, it's to encourage click bait.  So hunt out those hot links, click like there is no tomorrow (which was last week's big headline and very nearly came true) and stock up on Viagra, soft porn and those amazing chairs that lift you up to a standing position with no obvious way of supporting yourself once there.  Don't forget to use your bank card details.

Photo by George Chandrinos on Unsplash

UK to be hit with unexpectedly cold weather

The Met Office has sent out a warning that cold air will sweep parts of the UK during February, with snow and ice expected in many northern regions.

'It will feel cold,' confirmed a spokesman, 'so wrap up and keep warm,' he suggested.

In other news it is expected that every day of the month will end with night falling, Trump lying and Musk over-reaching.

Met Office told to change silly names of storms

The Meteorological Office is being urged to stop using insensitive names for storms in the UK.

The move follows deaths and damage caused by Storm Bert over the past week.

Weather experts have come under increasing pressure – and not just from the atmosphere – to change the names of storms to reflect the harm they cause.

A spokeswoman for the think-tank Who Came Up With These said: 'Recently we’ve also had Storm Agnes, Gerrit and Debi. Those are names for pet hamsters, not catastrophic weather events.

'We need titles with more gravitas. How about Storm Fury, Storm Rage or Storm My Fence Has Blown Down And I Have No Insurance?'

Who Came Up With These offered a further suggestion: 'The Met Office should consider changing its name to the Meteoro-illogical Office.'

Image: Kapa65 - Pixabay