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'And as the conflict in Israel and Gaza enters its fourth week, we now bring you pictures of the carnage caused by an Israeli airstrike. And we can tell you that they're even more distressing than anything we’ve shown you before...
'Why are you turning off your television?
'Good, we’ve got you on the radio. These are the sounds from inside a hospital in Gaza City of grief-stricken mothers and fathers, wailing pitifully…
'Why are you hitting your radio with an axe? That’s not going to stop the war, is it?
'I see you’ve locked yourselves in the bathroom and are watching a video of an adorable puppy chasing its tail. We’re going to interrupt that to play you interviews with a Hamas leader and an Israeli politician, in which both try to justify slaughtering thousands of innocent civilians…
'No, don’t throw your device down the toilet. We forbid you to do that!
'And don’t light a bonfire with those newspapers before you've read them. Don’t you know how much trouble we take to bring all the horrifying details of this war right to your doorstep?
'We’ll stop at nothing, you know. We’ll hire town criers to shout this stuff at you in the streets.
'That's because reporting this atrocious conflict has made us all clinically depressed, so we’re damned well going to make sure that all of you are clinically depressed, as well.'
Image: voidx Photos | FreeImages
Updated: Oct 8, 2023
The Conservative party is thrilled that its new media strategy has successfully dominated all news reporting during the party conference.
An insider explained that the strategy is simple: engage journalists on one story, to the exclusion of everything else. This avoids a torrent of different ‘bad’ stories as the media throws things at the wall to see what will stick. The method is also simple: leak a big policy announcement, to tease the press. Then refuse to talk about it for days on end, winding up the journos into a frenzy.
The strategy has worked well with HS2. The government leaked a story about cancellation, and then steadfastly refused to discuss it. The result was hours and hours of media time and effort wasted trying to get Ministers to confirm or deny the story. And as a bonus, no other conference stories got covered in the press – not Boris, not Partygate, not Liz Truss, not cost of living, not strikes, not sewage, not red wall, not that guy from Iceland, not Brexit, not Covid.
A media wonk told us ‘It has worked beyond our wildest dreams. The media fell for it hook, line and sinker. It’s epic. Malcolm Tucker would be proud of us.’
Image: geralt - Pixabay
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