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An elderly man suspected of suffering from dementia and anal leakage, was seen tending the chip fryer in a MacDonalds branch. A spokesbeing for MacDonalds acknowledged they are embarrassed by the incident and said they are investigating how the man managed to bypass their strict security rules.
“'t isn’t just the risk this dickhead posed to our customers, there would have been hell to pay if he had fallen into the deep fat fryer. You’ve no idea what it costs these day to run one of them, or whether an untrained idiot was working in the system and putting too much MSG on the fries.
'We can cope with migrant workers falling into the chip fryers, because we can pass them off as chicken nuggets, but this guy had posh shoes on, so we know someone might come looking for him.
'We have to run a tight ship in the fast food business; and every cent counts. We can’t have daft old fools causing us grief with our shareholders over the profit margins; and goodness knows how many customers he will have scared away.'
Photo by Road Ahead on Unsplash
Oasis, not united brotherly love but their need for a pension, have put aside their artistic differences and mutual hatred, for one last cash grab. Unfortunately, several gormless individuals still think they are musical geniuses rather than just an irritating nasal twang.
One rock historian pointed out: ‘They are not comparable. The Beatles sold over 600 million records, while Oasis got a fruity drink named after them. The Beatles had 21 US No1s, while Oasis used to busk outside a McDonald’s. The Beatles changed the 60s, Oasis have not changed their haircut since the 90s.’
The only thing guaranteed is that they will be as $hit second time around. Despite all this, one middle-aged Brit-Popper declared: ‘They were the Taylor Swift of my generation’ – which proves the point.
Photo by Efe Yağız Soysal on Unsplash
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