You’ve Got Mail 2: History Repeats Itself

The romantic comedy movie You’ve Got Mail is getting a sequel, after almost thirty years. The original film is much loved and is still frequently viewed on streaming services.

In the 1998 film a small bookshop, run by Meg Ryan, is put out of business by an all consuming chain of book superstores run by Tom Hanks. The message of the film is to accept change and move with the times. Meg Ryan is forced to close her bookshop and, after being comprehensively catfished by Tom Hanks over email, finally accepts her fate, and hooks up with him.

Tom Hanks has been offered a role in the sequel and is said to be considering it. But Meg Ryan is out of the running and industry insiders say that Jeff Bezos or Mark Zuckerberg could take the role of the villain this time.

In the remake, Tom Hanks’ superstore chain Fox Books is put out of business by the all consuming internet, run by Jeff Bezos or Mark Zuckerberg. The message of the film is to accept change and move with the times, blah blah blah.

Critics worry that the romantic tension of the original film could easily be lost in the remake, with some believing that neither Jeff Bezos nor Mark Zuckerberg are 'hot enough' for the role.

Image: geralt - Pixabay

Silicon Valley CEOs rejoice at annual data harvest festival

'Let us thank God, our great provider, for blessing us with yet another year's harvest of everyone's personal data," said lay preacher Mark Zuckerberg to his fellow hi-tech barons in the Cathedral Church of St Elon X in Palo Alto.

'Yet again, we have toiled hard and suckered billions of people online into handing over to us a delicious crop of personal details, browsing habits and spending patterns. And we have achieved this by being completely opaque about what information we are gathering from them and who we are selling it to.

'And we thank the Good Lord that for another year, the regulators have left us free to reap highly lucrative data from our fellow citizens in whatever sneaky way we like.

'So why don't all you unscrupulous CEOs give yourselves a treat? Reach into these baskets up here at the altar, which are full of harvest-time donations from the most innocent and unsuspecting souls in our cyber-community, and help yourselves to some extra-large sheaves of personal info to flog off to dodgy retailers and finance companies.

'I have no idea why our Lord and Saviour consistently grants us filthy-rich sinners such bountiful data harvests, year after year," continued Preacher Zuckerberg, looking bashful. "But intelligence suggests it may actually be the demon Mammon who's been doing us all these foul favours.

'So forget our Lord and Saviour. Praise Mammon for his providence, and glorify his name!'

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

Musk vs Zuckerberg in 'The Grapple at the Sistine Chapel'

In what nobody is really buying as the "fight of the century", a w@nker billionaire with too much facework to let anyone touch it is goading a w@nker billionaire with an alien hairline which if slightly tugged might unravel the entire being.

Fisticuffs promoter, Gill Bates said, 'Normally, I get quite passionate and over-the-top for a big fight. But this match-up has all the appeal of an intact rice pudding. Look, they might be working really hard on their Chinese burns and wedgies, but I can't see it climaxing into anything more than frantic fly-wafting.

'But you get paid a few million to hype this crap up, so I've got my team working on the most important thing - what to call it. The Rumble in the Jungle, it certainly won't be - more like "The Twisty-Titty in the Vatican City".

'Anything like the Thriller in Manilla would be a slight case of over-billing, so maybe "The Cower at the Bell Tower"? Or "The Towel Flicker at St. Mark's Basilica"?

'If either of them come up with an innovative move, then we haven't ruled out "The Thumb-up-the-Bum at the Colosseum".

For the moment, though, the working title covers the most likely outcome for both of them: "The Weep Bitterly in Italy".'

Image: Mohamed_hassan - Pixabay

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