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An ambulance has taken two hundred and fifteen years to drive from Salford NHS trust to 37 Slurry Drive in Salford. Remarkably this is longer than it has taken the British Museum to think about returning the stolen Elgin marbles to their rightful owners.
The trust CEO, Norman Brimmer, said they were working hard to bring times down so that patients wouldn’t have to wait longer than a century or fifty years in emergency cases of cardiac arrest or getting your head stuck in a bucket.
'Two hundred and fifteen years is rather a long time,' said Mr Brimmer, 'but to put things into perspective, that’s only twenty-five years above national government targets.'
Sir David Attenborough has a loud, piercing laugh, 'like a cat full of marbles rolling down a hill', sources close to the renowned naturalist and broadcaster said today. It is believed that Mr. Attenborough uses this laugh to protect his territory and attract mates.
The tactic has hitherto remained secret because the television star disguises it in broadcasts through a combination of judicious whispering and being very serious all the time. The desperate attempts not to laugh have taken their toll however, as apparently Mr. Attenborough finds giant tortoises and monkeys especially hilarious. Colleagues have mentioned recently how he would quietly discuss Bonobo status tactics on camera before collapsing in breathless shrieks that would terrify birds for miles around.
The natural world does not often see the arrival of broadcasters with peculiar laughs. A Jimmy Carr might be spotted scrabbling for tax returns, or maybe a Ricky Gervais trying for a fourth series. And yet ... even here ... an Attenborough may occasionally let one rip that has the sound recordist running for cover.
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