top of page
Search

MPs hoping to get big, gold medals for lying



Now that a substantial number of serving MPs are staring down the barrel of a pantomime gun with a banner hanging down saying 'P45' where trationally 'bang' would go, they are deciding on 'micro-qualifications' to help enable them to re-enter the job market, and medals for service have been suggested. Many of these MPs, who appear to be mainly supportive of right wing ideology, are finding potential employers have difficulty in determining what their skill sets actually are. Much like the electorate now, apparently.


One MP who is certain his tenure in the House of Commons is coming to an end said today, 'they agree I can talk about stuff, can be scathing about people who are in unfortunate positions and accept I want a big budget wage, but most have the head of HR job filled and don't need any more bastards in their organisations,' he pointed out.


Another commented on the medals, hoping they were to be made from pure gold and would be the size of dustbin lids, but privately just hoped the wads of notes in brown paper packages would continue to be pushed through his front door every thursday after he loses his seat. 'It's not like £84k plus £200k expenses are worth the effort - it's the backhanders, innit?' he said today.



image from pixabay


Why not look at some of our books?




Leaked medical records reveal Boris Johnson has rare speech impediment




Doubts have been raised today over whether Boris Johnson is the most perfidious Prime Minister ever to rule Britain after medical records reveal he has an inability to pronounce "mis".

Dixie Rect, Professor of Linguistics from the University of Texas told our reporter "This is a terribly distressing condition for a politician to have. Imagine you wanted to tell a nation it has a world-misleading government but were unable to say mis, or "I mistook him to be a man of honour" when describing say, a cabinet minister friend who turned out to be a crook."


She went on to say "People suffering from speech impediments like these tend to spend so much time focusing on their defect, they forget to do simple things such as brushing their hair, or getting undressed before going to bed, with the consequence that when they appear to have slept in their suit, they probably have.


News of this unfortunate speech imperfection appears to have led to an immediate improvement in the PMs poll ratings.


bottom of page