Delivery companies to strike over "Boris Day" working conditions

Delivery companies in the Home Counties have called a strike for Father’s Day weekend this year (June 17th-18th). According to the Delivery Drivers Association, it’s not just the growing quantity of post on what the industry increasingly nicknames “Boris Day”.

Head of the Association, Pat van Clifton, said 'Did I say we’re delivering for the British people? Anyway, we were just about coping with the amount of post, although not all of the consignments smelt very salubrious, know what I mean. Now, though, there also seems to be a range of addresses each year, meaning we can have members in the wrong place several times over the weekend. Ask yourselves, is that appropriate for Boris Day?

'The challenge got particularly acute during lockdown where was so much traffic at Chequers, that our schedules were put out for days.

'This is a complex logistical challenge and our members deserve better pay and working conditions if we’re going to keep delivering for the British people.'

Mr Johnson will be approached for comment, when we can locate him.

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/romeosessions-21018118/

'Oakeshott leak is a massive betrayal of trust' says git who betrayed nation's care home residents

New lockdown announced to fight inflation

“Inflation is rampaging across Britain, and desperate times call for desperate measures,” Chancellor of the Exchequer Jeremy Hunt told the Commons, wearing a hazmat suit and clutching a pair of manacles.

“We are therefore going lock the country down again, to stop everyone spending their money.

“Anyone caught wandering into a shop or a restaurant will be arrested and will have their all cash confiscated and cards cancelled.

“And don’t try to be clever and order anything online,” Mr Hunt continued, jangling the heavy iron chains on his manacles menacingly.

“Crack squads of civil servants across Britain will be trailing Just Eat cyclists and Hermes drivers and arresting people accepting deliveries at their front doors.”

“I know it seems harsh, depriving you all of your groceries and cheap bottles of tempranillo blanco," said Mr Hunt, trying hard to look regretful.

"However, the government’s chief scientists have told me that if we all make an effort to spend absolutely no money at all for the next few months or years, prices will have nowhere to go but down.

“So remember our catchy new slogan: ‘Stay Home, Stay Hungry, Save the Retail Price Index.’”

Photo by Graham Ruttan on Unsplash