Predictable local government election results

As the local government elections approach, the outcome of which which had been considered uncertain, has now suddenly become much more predictable.

With Labour currently almost as unpopular as the Tories were before the last general election, no-one was going to vote for them or the Tories, and no-one knew how the re-allocated votes were likely to be re-distributed among the rag-bag of various 'also-ran' parties,

These include Scots Gnats, Reform, New Reform, Real Reform, the Original Reform, Continuity Reform, Reformed Reform, Reform II, the Return of Reform (that's a separate party for each of their current MPs), the Democratic Liberal (or whatever they're called nowadays) party, the Monster Raving Loony Party, the Mildly Deranged Loony Party, the More Moderately-Sized Loony Party, the Green Party, the Light Green Party, the Dark Green Party, the British Racing Green Party, the Pink Party, the Spotted Party, the Striped Party and the British National We're-Not-Fascists, We-Just-Hate-Everyone party.

However, things are much clearer now, following the recent establishment of two new parties, which are likely to sweep up most of the votes.  These are the None-of-the-Above Party, and the We're-not-the-Tories-and-neither-are-we-the-Labour-Party-Either Party.  The only remaining uncertainty is which of these will massacre the other.

https://pixabay.com/photos/polling-station-poll-election-day-2643466/

https://www.newsbiscuit.com/

Early indications are of a poor show for Dogs at Polling Stations

Overnight returns reveal a low turn out for dogs at polling stations all over the country. Owners have been accused of 'dropping the ball', and giving their pets 'the runaround'.

This election has been 'dogged' by several scandals, including rumours of Pals and Pedigree Chums, along with XL Bullying and brown nosing.

Working dogs, however, have done relatively well, managing to shepherd some support. Smaller, small nosed dogs have remained pugnacious.

The Kennel Club have reminded voters that this was just a local election, and for Police Dogs. They have promised a much better turnout for the National event, Crufts, later in the year, but say people need to bring along documented proof of pedigree.

photo: Photo by gotdaflow on Unsplash

English polling stations to bring in extra staff

Extra staff are being brought in to act as "Greeters" at polling stations. The government says the staff are needed to ensure voters have the required I.D. and has denied rumours that a contract to supply the extra staff was given to the Wagner Group PMC.

The Minister for Corrupt Elections explained that Wagner Group employees are fully committed in Russia for the foreseeable future, so wouldn't have been able to supply the extra staff; then went on to lament the demise of the Met's Special Patrol Group who would have discovered whether voters had the required I.D. by strip searching them.

Instead the government is proposing to offer other hardened criminals shorter sentences if they sign up to do the work and meet the government's targets.

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/ulleo-1834854/