Woman convinced that just getting one more little treat will sort her life out

23-year-old Olivia Adams remains convinced that continuing to treat herself to “a little something” will radically transform her life and make everything fall into place.

‘I see something I like, and I build my identity from there up,’ Olivia tells us. ‘Every new top from Zara ushers in a new era of my life, a new paradigm for living.’

‘Hats were a thing for a while,’ Olivia’s best friend Emma recalls. ‘Hats reinvigorated her will to live for a few days, then she moved on to the next thing. She is a restless teenager, trying on different identities, hoping that it will lead to self-actualisation. Needless to say, she’s in major debt.’

Olivia’s bedroom is a graveyard of aborted microtrends. She was into tarot cards for a while, but they are gathering dust beside her crochet hooks and her dying house-plants. She’s redownloaded Duolingo, and now learning Hebrew will be her “thing".

‘I truly don’t believe there is a single problem in my life that can’t be sorted by buying a cute outfit, a £6 latte, and just walking around.’

As Olivia's bank account dwindles, her collection of "life-changing" items grows exponentially. Each new acquisition is hailed as the missing piece of her existential puzzle, the catalyst that will usher her into a life of fulfilment and accomplishment. "Just one more treat," she whispers to herself, with an almost religious fervour, as she hands over her hard-earned money.

Woman suspicious of Greek Chorus following her

Katie Clemson (37) has voiced concern about being stalked by a large collection of masked dancers wearing togas. 'I admit I've made one or two dubious life decisions, but does it really warrant twenty eight stanzas on why I should grow my fringe back?'

The Chorus appeared shortly after Katie had made her New Year's resolutions: 'They'd make all these snide comments about how I'd never finish dry January or fit back into my skinny jeans. They trashed talked my job, my love life, then even tutted everytime I forgot to take out the bins.'

Katie was adamant she had nothing to apologise for and she refused to get drawn into the Chorus' criticism of her choice of curtains. 'Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a mother to murder and a father to marry.'

Image: RobinHiggins | Pixabay

George, Zippy and Bungle protest at rainbow ban in Qatar

George, Zippy and Bungle have staged a protest at the Qatar world cup. George, a pink hippo, holding a placard he'd made during a Rainy Drawing Day explained more. '

My, lifestyle, is apparently illegal in Qatar and I'm here to protest. Pay no attention to the man standing underneath me.'

Zippy, a "thing", was unavailable for comment following an argument with Bungle which resulted in his zip for a mouth being closed.

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/prawny-162579/