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“No win, no fee” lawyers for slavery reparations

Delegates at the recent meeting of the Commonwealth Heads of Government were surprised to find their welcome packs contained advertising for a legal firm offering to help them get reparations for slavery on a “no win, no fee” basis. “Was your country affected by the slave trade?” says the leaflet from Chancer & Shyster. “You may be entitled to compensation!"


"My nation was an economic basket case,” the leaflet quotes one former client, who preferred to remain anonymous, “mostly due to massive corruption which I did nothing about making it impossible for people to earn an honest living.


“I never imagined that something that happened centuries ago would be the answer. But Chancer & Shyster got me such a huge payout, it should hide our economy’s fundamental problems for at least a decade or two. And after that, they say I can probably get more compensation for… I don’t know, climate change or something. It really is the gift that keeps on giving!”


“I didn’t think we’d be eligible for compensation,” says another satisfied customer, “since my country is where many of the slaves were taken from. Those of us who live here now may well be descendants of people who sold their fellow Africans into slavery. But it turns out that doesn’t make any difference - we can still call ourselves victims and get the cash. Thank you Chancer & Shyster!”


A footnote at the bottom of the leaflet says that regretfully, even though Arabs enslaved more Africans than Europeans did, they are unable to help with claims against Arab nations, as people they send there to present these claims tend to return with vital body parts missing.




Man City lead Premiership on hearings

Despite being only six games into the season, Man City have opened up an impressive gap between themselves and the other cheats. Even on court cases, for and against, Man City are set to win the league...and then get relegated four divisions, for breaking fair-play rules.


Using their formation of three at the back and eight in tax havens, the team have outplayed everyone when it comes to being sketchy. Their fluid grasp of accountancy and free-flowing use of bungs, has mesmerised HMRC.


115 hearings ahead, Man City are guaranteed to get into Europe via a Swiss bank account, and then on to the Cayman Islands. The Premiership warned: 'The only penalties awarded this season will be financial.'


Picture credit: Wix AI

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