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Following on from recent news stories regarding freebies received by the PM and other government officials, insiders at no. 10 have leaked information about gifts donated to Larry the Downing Street cat - by none other than the American singer-songwriter, Taylor Swift.
We managed to speak to Larry during a break in his busy schedule of sleeping and eating, and he told us, “When Ms Swift heard the news about the PM receiving free tickets to one of her concerts, she was quite chuffed to know she had fans in the Prime Minister’s household. As she’s a self-confessed ‘cat lady’, she decided to send me a few gifts, including a new collar, a bed and a scratching post. I don’t know why anyone would be upset by that. I needed some new gear, and if Taylor hadn’t provided them they would have had to be paid for out of government coffers, so me accepting those freebies is really saving the tax payers money.
Although I must admit, I didn’t really need the scratching post. I recently came across a portrait of Margaret Thatcher which had been taken down and left leaning up a wall in a spare room, so I’ve been keeping my claws nice and sharp on that.
“As for the PM’s freebies, I don’t think you’ll be seeing those again. I’ve already covered the trousers in cat hair, and I’ve left a small donation of my own in each of his shoes.”
image from pixabay
Reports that Prime Minister Keir Starmer is bringing a new kitten into 10 Downing Street are not sitting well with lifelong resident Larry the Cat. A cat close to Larry, who requested anonymity to discuss the sensitive matter, said Larry fears that ‘there are simply not enough mice to go around for two cats in No 10.’ The source said that ‘Larry is disappointed that Sir Keir did not even bother to consult him before deciding to bring in the kitten.’
Sources with the Prime Minister’s office dispute this assertion, stating that the kitten’s acquisition ‘followed all applicable feline procurement recommendations contained in the Garfield report.’ That report was issued in the wake of former Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s ill-starred attempts to hire the irascible animated orange cat as a government press representative.
Nevertheless, according to the cat who requested anonymity, ‘Larry really misses Boris; he left empty pizza boxes strewn all over the place, which drew lots of tasty vermin.’ The source hastened to add that Larry was referring to mice and rats, not Dominic Cummings.
Controversially, according to the source, Larry’s hostility to kittens appears to range beyond simple competition for food. ‘Larry believes that kittens are little criminals who will chew up anything not covered in plastic,’ the source said. A representative of the British Kitten Society rejected this claim, characterizing Larry as ‘nothing more than an old cat meowing at clouds.’
Starmer’s new kitten did not return calls and texts seeking comment.
Image: guvo59 - Pixabay
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