Robot ventriloquist was marvellous say audience at Starmer speech

The robot that worked Keir Starmer at his New Year speech has been applauded for its skill. “You could almost imagine it was the real thing giving the speech" said a reporter who was present.

RobotzЯus, the company who made the robot, told Newsbiscuit, 'We decided on a change of approach after our Truss model didn't go down as well as we'd hoped, so instead of installing the technology into politicians, we thought we'd see if it would work better if we had an obvious robot working a dummy.'

The BBC director general, Tim Davie, is said to have been impressed; and is hoping the AI robot will be able to resolve his long ambition of finding funny right wing comedians to fill comedy slots with.

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Labour wants to change national corruption & cronyism to local corruption & cronyism

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Starmer: 'We cannot afford to clap for nurses'

With the threat of strike action, politicians have made it clear that nurses will not get a rise in applause or other meaningless gestures. 'If anything, nurses are overpaid in claps and should settle for a firm handshake instead.'

Starmer made it clear that he would end migrant nurses stealing our native claps. But he insisted that there were no extra claps to give, not since the last season of Mrs Brown's Boys.

Nurses using food banks, are now forced to visit zoos to search for left over claps at the seal enclosures. By contrast Premier footballers earn ten of thousands of claps everytime they walk on the pitch.

Said one nurse: 'All of my claps are second hand now. I'm surviving on a 50% reduction. It's literally the sound of one hand clapping.'

Image: Pixabay/pavstern