Tough Talk with Steven Stickler

SS: Today, I will be speaking with the new chairman of UK PLC. Good evening, Keith.

KS: Good evening, Steven.

SS: Let's start with a brief look over your career. You were, for a time, a barrister; then rose to Director of Public Prosecutions, before becoming an MP. Why the career change?

KS: I wanted to make a difference ... to the lives of working people.

SS: Eventually, you became chairman of Disconnected UK, and then, ruthlessly, some might say, sacked most of the board. Was that necessary?

KS: I thought so. We had become bogged down in dogma and ideological infighting. We need to created a fresh vision for ourselves and our customers.

SS: Then this year you launched a successful take-over of UK PLC, with a landslide vote from the UK shareholders.

KS: Yes. It was very gratifying to receive their trust to take the company forward.

SS: All well and good. You made great gains by accusing the previous incumbents of lying, and working for their personal gain.

KS: Yes, indeed.

SS: Yet here we are, a couple of months in to your tenure and, it appears, that you are equally guilty of the same faults.

KS: Well (licks lips), I don't think that is fair. We have merely received gifts from well-wishers.

SS: Gifts that you are now returning because, if I may say, it made your 'holier than thou' stance somewhat untenable. But let's move on. You say that you want to bring benefits to the workers of this company, but, I would argue, you haven't even met any.

KS: That's not true. I and my colleagues have visited factories up and down the country.

SS: Yes, but does wandering about in a hard hat and a hi-viz jacket, surrounded by upper management really give you a feel for the needs of the working person?

KS: I'm sorry, Steven. I think that's all the time we have.

SS: Well, thank you for appearing on Tough Talk. ... That was Keith, the new chairman of UK PLC. It remains to be seen if this is the graft or grift board of directors. Next week Laura Kuenssberg on how to conduct an inciteful political interview.

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Customers disappointed by ‘The Labour Government’ experience

Following on from a disastrous Willy Wonka experience in the UK, and an equally unsatisfying Bridgerton event in the US, it would appear the public have now been let down by another themed attraction, ‘The Labour Party in Government’.

One disappointed visitor, Toby Williams, explained, “I voted for this when it was first proposed. A lot of promises were made regarding this experience but it looks as if we’ve been badly let down. The people behind behind this fiasco must be raking it in.”

Pensioner, Joyce Evans, told us. “I was interested to see the Environment display, but all I saw was some dodgy looking guy holding a solar panel and hyping up a heat pump. To be honest the whole thing left me cold.”

The organisers have said they make no apologies for anyone disappointed at what they are providing as they were forced into changes after inheriting costs from the previous ‘Tories In Wonderland’ event.

However, that’s unlikely to appease disgruntled customers. As a VIP patron, Lord Waheed Alli, put it, “I paid a lot of money to one day see this, a lot of money, and now I have, it’s a complete sh!t show!!”

image from pixabay