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Starmer launched his plan for change today, and set out his key milestones. This fills in some of the detail that couldn't be put into the election manifesto for fear of scaring the voters.
Unfortunately, Keir has had to issue a swift correction on one of the pledges. Due to a minor transcription error, the pledge to ‘treat 18% of NHS patients within 92 weeks’ was incorrectly announced with the numbers transposed.
Keir Starmer said that he felt obliged to issue the correction quickly, so that people on NHS waiting lists didn’t get their hopes up.
The government has offered new hope to elderly people found dead in their Arctically-heated flats. Labour promises to keep them frozen until such time as they can be revived and resume their lives in a world where climate change has made winter a thing of the past.
'Pensioners should see this as an opportunity. Many are living in conditions ideal for sub-zero preservation', says a government spokesperson. 'From there they can be moved to a cryogenic storage facility to free up space for new tenants'. People going blue with the cold can take comfort in the fact that it could be the first step to a new life in the 22nd century.
However, Tory critics are acccusing the government of 'stockpiling future Labour voters' at taxpayers' expense. Meanwhile, Jacob Rees-Mogg opposes the measure: 'I know what it's like to wake up in the wrong century and I wouldn't wish it on anybody'.
Image: WixAI
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