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Chancellor of the Exchequer, Kwasi Kwarteng, is reportedly furious about being overlooked for the Nobel Prize for Economics.
A spokesman for Kwarteng said 'Kwasi is very disappointed. What did Ben Bernanke, Douglas Diamond and Philip Dybvig actually work on? Financial crises and how not to prolong them? Pah, without people like Kwasi, what would they have to study? Now, the Nobel Peace prize winner has yet to be announced; before peace, there has to be a war right? Now, that's an idea. He's only been in the job 5 minutes and he's already helped cause a Tory party civil war.'
Luc-Saul Feuchte of the Institute Hystrionique in Strasbourg offered his opinion to colleagues in a lecture on forensic psychopathology this afternoon.
'It is apparent to me,' he declared, 'she is incapable of distinguishing between events in the real world and the misguided opinions she holds. For example, refuse a windfall tax on oil producers but undertake to borrow billions from the IMF. She believes this will enable economic growth for Britain, whereas it will leave generations paying off the National Debt, and dying of cold and hunger.
'She states that she has a "cunning plan'"but no-one knows what it is. Including her personal therapist, Mr Kwarteng. I know it may sound cruel, but he and those in her support group need to wise up and stop entertaining these fantasies before things go too far.
'Of course, her greatest delusion is that anyone in the her party or the country likes her. Have you ever looked into those dead, soulless eyes? Paff! C'est impossible.'
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